Sirens
by VegaWriters
Summary: Every leadership class in the world tells you that bossemployee relationships are a bad idea? But what if you can't help falling in love and starting over. Love can happen anywhere, anytime, and it's not a good idea to turn your back on it.
1. Chapter 1

Sirens

Disclaimer: If Leo McGarry and CJ Cregg belonged to me, I'd be a much richer woman than I am now. But, alas, they were created by Aaron Sorkin and are held onto by John Wells and Co., so I can only take them out and play with them from time to time. I promise they'll be a bit dirtier when I put them back. I also promise that I don't make any money off of this. Again, if I did, I'd be a richer woman.

Pairing: Leo/CJ

Rating:Mature

A/N:This is chapter one in a series of stories that all focus around these two.

Chapter 1: Haitian Battlefield

_June 30, 1966_

_I ship off to 'Nam in just a few weeks. I'm nervous, and I know that Jenny is too. Now more so than ever. Jenny is pregnant, she told me last night. We thought we were being careful, but not careful enough it seems. So she's pregnant and now we're moving up the wedding so that she and the baby can be taken care of. Her family is upset, and my mother is just resigned. But it's the right thing to do. We were going to get married anyway, so it's just happening faster. I can't have a child out of wedlock – it goes against the uniform code, and it just isn't right._

_I don't exactly sound like a man in love right now, but I am. Jenny is the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on. She's sweet and tender and perfect. Absolutely perfect. And now, now we're going to have a child together, a little version of her. I hope it's a girl, I think the world can handle two Jennifer O'Brien's. I wouldn't know how to raise a son. As it is, I'm terrified. The baby is probably going to be born while I'm in 'Nam, and God only knows when I'll be back, and I know I'll get sent back over again. I'm an officer, and I go where they need me to lead. But I don't know how to be a father, especially to a boy. At least with a daughter, I'll know her mother knows what to do. But how can I be a father when my own wasn't there for me?_

_But the possibilities of fatherhood are stunning to me. It is beyond comprehension for me right now, as I think I've already said about three times already. I'm in charge of a little life._

_I don't believe it. I just don't._

_LM_

He woke with a start, clutching is heart and reaching across the bed for a woman who was no longer there. They called to him, this cacophony of voices, women who screamed for him, Jenny, Mallory, and others that sang and soared on the winds. She'd called out to him, a voice looming above all others for him to rescue her before the troops brought the Embassy down. Voices echoed in his ears, and when he dared to close his eyes again, all of their faces assaulted him. Friends from Nam, boys he'd helped to kill, soldiers in Columbia, and now, Haiti. They haunted him.

_Drink,_ his mind screamed at him. _Drink and I promise it will all go away._

He just took a deep breath, and, for a moment, contemplated picking up the phone to call Jenny or Mallory, just to make sure they were okay. But the angry red numbers on the alarm clock only told him that both his girls would be sleeping and he should try to do the same.

Sleep, however, was a lost cause for the night. Sighing, Leo McGarry rose from bed and rummaged through his suitcase for jeans and his Michigan sweatshirt. The patio was open all night; he could take his water bottle, the speech to review it, and his rosary. Maybe in the next few hours, he could again save the world for democracy. And, if not, at least he could pray for it.

She sighed softly, wanting nothing more than to actually sleep, but since her fuck-up in the pressroom, sleep was a distant, distant memory. If only she'd corrected herself, spun her own mistake, but how could she when she knew she'd been right. She's screwed up in the worst way, she'd told the truth. On his list of worries, the President viewed his MS near the bottom of the list, there were more important things to focus on, but she hadn't needed to tell the press that.

Twenty-two years of school, two masters degrees, Fundraising Director for EMILY's List, Director of Hollywood accounts for Trinton-Day, countless Senate races, a successful Presidential campaign, White House Press Secretary, all down the drain because she couldn't keep her yap shut. All down the drain because her boss couldn't have come to her five years ago and said, "CJ, there's something I need to tell you in case it ever hits the press." She should have known from the beginning. How could he not have trusted her to protect him?

The notebook page taunted her, daring her to write the words. This was the second round in the fight with the letter; the laptop had taken a TKO late in the game. So now she sat out here on the little hotel patio, snuggled into her favorite Berkley sweatshirt, wondering how to even begin.

"I thought I was the only one who knew about this place."

CJ jumped about five feet in the air. "God, Leo …"

"Sorry." He smiled and sat down next to her.

"No, it's okay. And I thought I was the only one."

"Nope." There were a million things he wanted to say to her, all starting with 'For the love of God, don't resign.' But when he opened his mouth, the words just refused to come. He didn't know if it was because he knew she was right, or that he didn't want to beg her to stay. As it was, the dream still plagued him and as he looked at his Press Secretary, he wondered if that voice he hadn't recognized had been hers, begging him to save her from this mistake. Had it been CJ, begging for him to rescue her from the lockdown she'd found herself in over Haiti? But it was chauvinistic to think that way.

CJ looked at him, wanting to be angry, but she couldn't. At least not for the reasons she was telling herself were the good ones. "What do you do when you can't sleep?" She was daring him, but she didn't quite realize it.

He chuckled. Somehow _jerking off to images of you_ didn't seem quite right. He did sometimes, and it was embarrassing to him. He was her boss, and needed to keep himself from thinking like this – but out here, when she was alone and it was just the two of them, it was increasingly difficult to not think of her as a beautiful woman and not his subordinate. Would she accept his standard, 'work' for an answer?

CJ nodded, understanding that there was something he didn't want to talk about. That was fine with her, as there were a million answers to questions that she didn't want him to ask. If anything, Leo was a private man – he'd told her as much this afternoon. She should return that favor. "Me too." Could she tell him that sometimes, when the nights were lost and lonely, that her fantasies drifted away from her usuals – Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and Toby Zeigler – to the passionate images of how she imagined Leo McGarry was like in bed?

Leo smiled a bit, resisting the urge to reach across the table and take her hand. Instead, he just leaned back and looked up at the sky. "It's been a long few weeks."

"Yeah … Leo …" she wanted to apologize, but couldn't.

"Don't worry about it, CJ." He looked over at her again. "At least, not tonight."

The smile she gave him stopped his heart. Despite the laughter in the smile, her eyes lacked their sparkle and he knew that had a lot to do with him. Just the fact that she was upset over his telling Toby about their conversation meant she hadn't really made up her mind about resigning. But he also knew an apology meant nothing right now. He had been the one to bench her for that last press conference. "Okay." She looked back down at the notebook and closed it, ridding herself of the decision for one more night.

Leo laughed softly at the look of determination on her face. "Hey, take a walk with me."

"A walk?"

"Yeah. Okay, nothing is open at this hour, but it also means that no one can hear you scream. A win-win for me." This elicited the laugh he wanted to hear from her. Yes, he was pissed at her for being pissed at him, but if they could move past that then he'd be fine again.

"All right." CJ unfolded her six-foot tall frame from the table and waited for him to stand as well. Leo told his hands to behave as he fell into step beside her.

"So what really keeps you up all night?" He looked at her sideways, watching the emotions cross her face. She was such a mystery – so open to the most basic emotions, but so much remained hidden behind a wall.

She shrugged, not knowing why she should answer, but figured getting to know her boss better couldn't hurt. "Just … everything … what … there was a time when government could actually govern …"

"And you are now completely disillusioned?"

She chuckled. "Yeah."

That made him sad. "What do you usually do when the disillusionment keeps you up like this?"

"Call Toby," she answered honestly.

Unable to stop the visual of her long legs wrapped around the Communications Director, Leo just nodded. "I see."

The tone of his voice made CJ look at him and even in the greenish light of the streetlight, she could tell he was blushing. "No. We talk politics and watch bad movies. The physical between me and Toby was over a long time ago."

"I didn't realize the two of you …" he lied. Everyone in Washington knew that at one time, CJ Cregg had almost been CJ Zeigler. But no one knew what had ended it.

"Oh, yes you did." She chuckled. "But you could also care less because you have more important things to do, like run a country. Who your staff is sleeping with really doesn't concern you."

"Unless it presents itself in the press." He regretted saying it, but at the same time her relationship with Danny Concannon was actually an issue with her job performance.

"Leo …"

"CJ, I trust your relationship with the Press. You know how to do your job effectively and professionally. I will leave it there." He had to leave it there before he started another fight.

She nodded, knowing that he did mean it and the trust cheered her slightly.

"But if you are sleeping with Toby, please stop." He didn't know why he'd said it, honestly, it had just slipped out, but when her response was to just dissolve into laughter, he followed suit. It really had been an inane thing to say.

CJ just met his eyes, shaking her head, "Leo …"

Again, his breath caught in his throat when he looked at her, and he had to blame the flutter in his stomach on the stars overhead. But those stars were reflecting in her eyes and the soft light of the streetlights seemed to wrap her in a dream-like mist. He'd never get back to sleep with this image in his mind. So, he just offered her his arm and when she took it he continued down Main Street. "So, what do you do on nights when you can't call Toby?"

He felt her shrug. "I tend to pray a lot." Her voice was soft as she thought back to those long nights next to her mother's bed. "There's something meditative about it. I have a journal as well." She sighed, "Which I probably shouldn't mention thanks to all of these subpoenas that are about to be handed down." But only she knew about the papers she'd ripped out and burned after the announcement.

"CJ …" Leo said softly, slowing their walk for a minute.

"No, it's …" but it wasn't okay. It really wasn't. She was the one who had actually lied about the President's health, who had covered up her own knowledge, and who was going to knowingly lie under oath when they asked her if she ever said "should know or need to know". Her lawyers were eating up her portfolio and this mess was ruining her future job prospects. If she managed to come out on the other side of this, she'd be lucky to find a job consulting for the Texas Lottery Commission.

Leo could tell where her mind was going and he just bit his lip. At the President's request, he had been the one to tell CJ. It had been premeditated chickening out on the President's part. He knew that Abbey wanted to be there to tell CJ, but the conversation with Babbish had to happen. So, Leo put himself in the First Lady's line of fire and told the Bartlet's surrogate daughter about her surrogate father's condition. His ears were still ringing from Abbey's scathing rebuke, and when he closed his eyes he could see the look of panic on CJ's face. He had been a pawn, but a willing one, and he couldn't and wouldn't apologize for it. If he had to apologize, then the President would have to, and Jed Bartlet had nothing to apologize for.

"Don't mind me, Leo. I'm just wallowing." CJ's self-deprecating tone pulled him out of his own thoughts.

He chuckled. "You're allowed, but just for as long as this walk lasts."

"Fair deal." She tightened her arm in his, wondering just how long it would last and wanting it to go on forever.

Leo led them, following one of his favorite paths through the downtown area. "I pray too," he said softly.

CJ almost jumped in surprise. "You?"

"My relationship with the almighty is one of understanding. He doesn't order me to church and I'll try to save the world for democracy." He wasn't sure if he could tell her yet that the reason he couldn't go to church was because he didn't know how to ask for absolution for the sins he'd committed over the years. Sins against Jenny, sins in Vietnam, sins that kept his mind churning and his soul burning.

She looked at him, seeing the loneliness in his voice actually settle onto his shoulders. "You're doing a good job, Leo." And she meant it.

"I'm trying." The words were soft, but he smiled when he looked at her.

The conversation died then, but rather than becoming uncomfortable silence, it became a soothing calm and they walked until they found themselves back at the hotel and in front of the door to her room. Leo stopped, reluctantly, and stepped back, separating their hands. "Thanks for the walk, Leo." CJ regained contact again, putting her hand on his arm.

"It was my pleasure, CJ." He smiled at her again, and again stayed where he was so that his lips wouldn't take control and kiss her.

CJ felt his tension and shared it, and the emotions unsettled her in ways that she didn't know she could be unsettled. "Um …" she couldn't let him go back to his room. Not yet. "It's not much, but I left the coffee pot brewing when I left earlier and we can stay up and maybe." she smiled, "offer up silent prayers together." She really didn't know why she was inviting him in, and the uncertainty made her uncomfortable. But she did know that she didn't want him to leave yet. Suddenly she was the gangly, too tall girl in Dayton again.

"Sure." He didn't know why he was saying yes. He needed to sleep, and her very presence made him that unsure, too short kid who wanted the air force to accept him. But he followed her into her room.

Her hand brushed his as she handed him the coffee cup. But rather than pull back, CJ let it linger. "Here …"

"Thanks." Leo smiled and let his fingers rest on her hand. "We really shouldn't be drinking coffee this late."

"Do you really care?"

"No." He chuckled and moved his hands. CJ settled next to him on the bed, her stomach flittering a little bit. The atmosphere was different, and had been since he'd come across her at the patio, and she wasn't sure what was going to happen. But there was a chair she could have settled on, and instead she was practically in his lap.

Leo looked over at her and his breath caught. Lord above, she was a beautiful woman. Did she know how beautiful she truly was? Everything, from the slight shine on her reddish-gold hair, to her smile, to those sparkling blue eyes, was his epitome of beauty. He would see the hurt and anger behind her eyes and he wanted to be the one to erase it. "CJ …" he whispered. He set aside the coffee cup and took her hand. "I …"

"Don't apologize if you don't mean it, Leo." How had she known what he was going to say? "Hell," she continued on, looking into his eyes, "I should be apologizing to you."

"How about we just stop apologizing."

She chuckled. "Okay." When Leo didn't drop her hand, she looked down at their linked fingers. "Leo …"

He stopped talking. Breaking contact of their hands, he cupped her face in his hands and kissed her, deeply.

Her first reaction was to jump back in surprise, but after the shock of Leo's lips on hers, she found herself giving back 100.

Her lips were so sweet. She tasted of coffee and fruit and something else that was so completely and totally CJ. (Something he would later learn was a combination of black cherry Chap Stick and a flavored lip-gloss.) He didn't know perfume fragrances from Adam, but he liked the way she smelled. His tongue teased her lips, begging them to open for him, and as she let him into her mouth, he gently pushed them back onto the bed. This was probably wrong, and if she told him to stop, he would, but for some reason he didn't understand, he wanted her. Right now. Not a fantasy, but her, the real live CJ.

She tried to be rational for thirty seconds, but this wasn't premeditated – Leo hadn't sought her out just to get her into bed. And if they did what her body was screaming for, it wouldn't solve any of the problems they were dealing with. None of that mattered though, when he started nibbling on her neck and moved his hands up under the waistline of her shirt. Yes, she wanted him and she really didn't understand what was happening, but she knew better than to question it. Leo's lips were on hers, and his hand was, oh god, moving higher.

He wasn't sure he should be doing this. CJ was his subordinate and he wanted to keep her on staff and sleeping with her wasn't exactly the example he wanted to set, but he knew better than to question this and make it even stranger. So he slipped his hand higher under her shirt and kept going, watching as her arms stretched above her head and her body moved so that her shirt could slide off easily. God, she was exquisite. Perfectly toned muscles, pert breasts nestled into a blue padded bra, and, as he traced his hand down her stomach, a belly button piercing that he'd never known about. The tiny, teal bulb caught the light and made him smile.

She'd been sure of this until her shirt came off, but the lights were on and he could see every flaw - including the thin red scar that still ran up the length of her torso, the reminder of how she was different from most women. But Leo wasn't looking at her scar, rather the tiny barbell she kept through her bellybutton - the flashback to her days at Berkley and with Toby and the reminder that it was okay to be a little bit wild sometimes. Toby had been the one who convinced her to get the piercing - telling her that it would make the scar less prominent.

Leo traced around the bulb and then up her abdomen to her breasts. He didn't want to say a word and ruin the moment and have to apologize formally to his Press Secretary for sexual harassment. But his jeans were growing uncomfortably tight and he wanted to see her with even less clothing. So he kissed her again.

God, the man could kiss. She'd imagined it, lying in bed at night, one hand on her nipples while her fingers on the other hand circled her clit, but she had never dreamed they'd actually be here. His hands were as leathery as she'd envisioned, but even gentler than should be allowed. He touched her as if she was a treasure; feather caresses that left her wanting even more. She moved her hands to the button on his jeans, pushing past the blaring red light that told her to stop, and undid the fly. He pressed into her hand as she moved her fingers inside, stroking his hardness. He reciprocated, unsnapping her bra with very practiced fingers and sliding the material off her body. His lips replaced his fingers as he gently pushed her back onto the bed and made love to her breasts with his mouth. While his lips worked her nipples, his fingers worked her through her jeans and she found herself coming before she was even naked. Leo knew what he'd done to her, and she could feel his confidence rising as he pulled back to finish undressing both of them. After shedding his own jeans and boxer shorts, he moved the remainder of her clothes down her body, lingering over her hips. First one, then two fingers slipped inside her and she watched as he touched her, bringing her back toward the small climax she'd already had and sending her crashing all the way over the cliff, full speed ahead.

"Leo!" She gasped his name, breaking the silence only to have it captured again as he kissed her and then rolled them so she was straddling him. CJ took full advantage of the situation and kissed her way down his body until she was able to take him into her mouth. Leo twisted on the blankets above her, one hand buried in her hair, the other clutching the cheap hotel comforter.

He was going to die. His old heart couldn't take this. The last time Jenny had done anything like this for him had been back when he was drinking, and he could barely remember those days as it was. And here was this beautiful woman ... through half-lidded eyes he watched her, crouched on the bed, between his legs, and oh god, she was touching herself while she blew him. Just watching that added to his own pleasure and he jerked forward and soon was spilling down her throat. Unlike Jenny, she also swallowed and then kissed her way back up his body. God, she was going to be the death of him.

Still not saying anything, CJ just smiled at Leo. She wanted him inside of her, but also knew he'd need a recharge, so, instead, she just took his hand and linked their fingers, and led him back between her legs, showing him the few spots he'd missed on his first exploration of her folds. He took control and, with their fingers still linked, pushed inside of her. CJ gasped and fell back on the bed as he manipulated both of their hands.

It was the most intense moment he'd ever experienced. Watching CJ show him where those spots were, feeling her fingers touch herself while he stimulated her, watching her climax around him as he still pumped both of their hands against her. It was enough to get him going again and before she could catch her breath completely, he moved their hands, moved between her thighs, and pushed deeply, almost roughly, inside of her. She cried his name again and lifted her legs up around his hips, pushing him deeper. He moved her hands up above her head and pinned them as he thrust in and out, watching the emotions cross her face. God above, she was beautiful.

Leo came first, unable to control the sensations, but he stayed inside her, moving his hips so that one hand could slip between them and he could bring her to the edge again. CJ collapsed back into the bed, completely exhausted. Not since her days with Toby had she felt the overwhelming power of multiple orgasms. After a few more minutes, Leo pulled out, not really wanting to break contact with her, but also not wanting to crush her. "Wow..." he whispered, the first word he'd uttered other than her name since he'd kissed her over an hour ago.

"Yeah..." unsure of what to do, CJ lay there for a minute, wanting to snuggle up next to him, but not knowing what he wanted. Luckily, Leo answered that by slipping an arm around her and pulling her back to his side. She curled up, her head on his chest, and took a deep, shaking breath. What happened next?

"CJ?" He looked down at her and saw the uncertainty she was trying to mask. "Are you okay?"

"Scared." She admitted quietly. "I mean..."

"Yeah..."

"Not that I regret this but..."

"Yeah..." With a sigh, he pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. "I don't regret it either, and I didn't do it in some twisted way to get you to stick around."

"Which is probably good..." she tried to chuckle but it fell flat. What on Earth was she going to do now? Now this whole can of worms had been opened regarding something with Leo and she'd been perfectly happy to lust after her boss from afar. She sighed softly, "I guess we..."

"You want to take a step back?" He asked.

"What?" CJ looked up at him and furrowed her brow. What the hell was he talking about?

But he just sat up a bit, a smile on his face. "CJ ... I ... I don't know if or where this tonight will lead anywhere, but I do know that I wouldn't mind really getting to know you. Really." He felt like a fourteen year old courting a crush, but his stomach hadn't done somersaults like this since he'd met Jenny.

CJ felt the blush crawling across her body and, suddenly shy, she wanted to be underneath the blanket that they were still sprawled across. But she wanted to get to know him too ... and whatever came, came. "Okay ... but..." she sighed, her impending resignation on her mind.

"Don't think about that right now, CJ." Leo read her mind and kissed her head again. "No matter what, I want to get to know you better."

"So we're parting this as friends?" She needed to know exactly how much leeway to give her heart. He rested on his back, stroking his fingers through her hair while she curled up on his side, tracing patterns across his chest.

"I don't regret this, CJ." He said softly.

She blinked. "Really?"

"It's not the sweet, romantic way I'd dreamed of wooing you, but …"

Laughing softly, mostly in disbelief, CJ sat up more, propping her head in her hand. "You'd …"

With a gentle hand, he brushed her hair away from her face. "In so many ways, CJ. So many ways. But I'm your boss … and … " he sighed and pulled her back down into his arms.

"And now that my resignation is looming, it's okay?"

"No. God... CJ … I don't want you to resign. I don't think any of tonight was a mistake either, but I don't know …"

"If we can handle running for re-election and this?"

"Yeah." He sighed, feeling so callous. What she must think of him …

"Leo, it's okay. I am a big girl." She tried to keep the disappointment from her voice. What had she been thinking? That he would be her white knight and save her from herself? That she would be the princess in her fairy tale?

"Hey …" he said gently, bending to kiss her, "just because it's.." he shook his head, "we barely know each other and I want whatever this could be to be more than fabulous sex when we're both stressed out." Leo McGarry was not good with talking about his feelings, and it was showing. But he did want to let this go somewhere with CJ, and he wanted her to know that he hadn't just been fucking her to get some. He'd been falling in love with her since the minute he laid eyes on her.

"How do we do that?" Could he feel the butterflies that were jumping around in her stomach?

"I don't know. CJ … I … I haven't been here in a place like this for a long, long time. I figured after Jenny, all I had left was my work. I don't feel that way anymore. But I don't want to blow it."

She smiled against his chest, taking the opportunity to kiss the sensitive skin near his nipple. There was a scar there and she wanted to know what it was from. But, later. Right now she just wanted to snuggle up next to Leo and listen to him breathe. "Promise me that it won't be weird in the morning."

"I promise," he whispered before dozing off himself.

He'd only had three hours of sleep, but that was normal and those three hours had been the best he'd had in a long time. He'd woken up as CJ climbed out of bed, shyly wrapping herself in her robe. It was clear that no matter their desire to keep this from being uncomfortable it was still going to take sometime to reach that point. But, she still smiled at him, and didn't say no when he followed her into the shower. She also didn't say no when he pushed her up against the shower wall and pushed up into her. No, he didn't know where this was going, or what it all meant, but he did know that he hadn't felt like this in a long, long time.

"CJ?"

Looking up from her place near the press cabin, she tried to give her boss a smile without blushing, and failed miserably. "Yeah, Leo?" Play it cool, she reminded herself. Just play it cool.

"You doing all right, Kid?" He settled next to her and gave her a smile. "It was a rough couple of weeks." God, he wanted to touch her hand.

She smiled, still nervous. "Yeah, I'm fine, Leo." She looked down at the list of names she'd been ordered to put together two weeks ago, when she'd offered to tender her resignation. For some reason, even though now the point was moot, she couldn't stop looking at the other people who would be just as good at her job, if not better.

Leo reached over and took the list from the pile of things she was working on. Glancing at it for a minute, he just shook his head. "None of these guys could even come close." Crumpling up the paper, he tossed it into a nearby garbage can.

"Is that really smart? What if someone gets a hold of that piece of paper?"

He chuckled. "You've got a point." Getting up, he walked over, retrieved it, but pocketed it rather than giving it back to her. "I'm taking it, shredding it, and we'll forget that this was ever mentioned or talked about. You aren't going anywhere, CJ. Anywhere." He settled back into his seat and sighed softly. "I was told that I shouldn't apologize to you, that it would make it look like I didn't consider you a professional. But I am sorry things played out the way they did …" God, now it sounded like he regretted last night. And he didn't.

"And if you had to do it over again, you still would bench me." She'd known what he meant, but it was still kind of cute to watch him squirm. Could anyone else tell that she was blushing?

"Yes."

She sighed and looked at him. "Me too."

"So stop beating yourself up. We've got an election to win." Initially he'd planned to just stop by and reassure her, but he found himself deciding to stay put and talk to her. He needed a break from the insanity, and he couldn't think of a better person to take that break with. "You take too much on, you know. Too much of the guilt for what goes wrong around here."

"It's habit." She sighed softly, setting her pile of notebooks back into her briefcase and tucking her feet up under her. "My mom died when I was young, and so I spent most of my teen years being the mom of the house … it's still my nature to feel responsible."

Leo just shook his head. He knew that CJ's mother was long gone, but he hadn't realized she'd been young. "How old were you?"

"Thirteen… ovarian cancer. She'd survived once, but it came back and well … she couldn't survive it a second time." She looked at her fingernails. It was common practice for her to fall into bed with someone before knowing his or her life history, but it wasn't often that she ended up telling more about herself than her name. Still, this conversation with Leo seemed perfectly natural, and when she looked up, the sympathy in his eyes made her want to cry.

"I'm surprised you don't champion cancer research more often."

"It's not my place to talk about policy for this administration."

"It can be. You're one of my closest advisors and you also have a unique insight into the Women's community that the rest of us don't."

"You should have listened to Mandy more than you did."

"Well, now we can listen to you." He looked at her, completely serious, "I'll listen to you."

"You can't always promise that."

"No, but then again, I don't always listen to Josh either." This elicited a giggle from her and he felt a bit better, so he continued on, teasing her. "And the day I actually listen to the President is the day the world goes to hell in a hand basket." This brought the giggles to full blown laughter. "That's better." He teased her gently.

She just shook her head at him, chewing a bit on her lip for a moment before slipping back into press secretary mode. "I should probably check in with Bruno or something."

"Do you have an actual reason to check in with Bruno or are you trying to avoid me some more?"

"Yeah, I'm trying to avoid you …" she blushed a bit and then, in true CJ fashion, came out with a question that had been bothering her for as long as she'd known him. "Was it really you or Toby who came up with my name ..?"

He shrugged. "It was a mutual conversation. Toby had your name on a short list and I chose from there."

"He didn't want me there."

"He championed you …"

"He didn't want me there. I know Toby. Why did you want … I mean, my resume couldn't have been nearly as impressive as other candidates."

"Did you take a look at the list of people we assembled for the campaign? It wasn't a list of the most impressive resumes. It was a list of the most impressive people. And I just knew, when I had your name in my hand, that you were the one."

"That doesn't sound very Leo McGarryish." She grinned a bit.

"McGarryish?"

"Don't question the CJ-isms." She smiled full on and finally started to relax. This wasn't a performance review; this was two people who had shared a bed the night before and now were enjoying the hour flight from New Hampshire to Washington DC.

"That doesn't seem very fair." He chuckled and leaned back in the comfortable seat. "Why can't I?"

"Because if you do, I'll end up second guessing myself in the briefing room." As soon as it was out, she regretted saying any of it. Now he'd question her and her abilities. She was good at her job, she knew that, but none of that mattered when she faltered in front of the cameras. Leo didn't need to know how she questioned herself every day.

"You should never feel the need to question yourself in the briefing room, CJ." He wanted to take her hand, but stopped himself, mostly because he didn't want the rest of the world to see the display of affection. He knew the instant he touched her that everyone would be able to tell what had happened the night before.

"Well …" She just looked at him. "I don't want to get into it right now, okay? We've only got another few minutes before the plane lands at Andrews and I'll bet it's just a matter of moments before pagers start going off and I have a press corps to still unravel and …"

He did take her hand. "It's okay to relax a bit, CJ." And when she just looked at him, asking him with those blue eyes, why she shouldn't be stressed, he just shrugged, squeezed her hand, and released it. Before she could respond to him, Carol poked her head around the wall, letting her know it was time to go talk to the gaggle. CJ gave her boss a brief smile and then moved on to her job. Break time was over.

"Hey, Leo."

He looked up and a grin spread across his face. "Heya, CJ."

"Margaret wasn't at her desk, so I thought I'd poke my head in. Do you have time to go over the final releases for tomorrow? I know it's late, but this saves us having a 5 AM morning." She handed the file over to him before he even said yes. It was obvious that she'd rather stay here an extra hour than get here before dawn.

"Yeah." Gratefully setting down the position paper, he turned his attention to the releases she'd placed in his hands. CJ sat in the chair opposite his desk, watching as he made notes and passed things back to her. Within moments they had developed a perfect system, and preparing the final notes for the releases only took 20 minutes instead of the hour CJ had planned.

"Thanks, Leo." CJ smiled and stood, wishing it had taken longer.

"Go get some sleep, CJ. You need it."

"You need it too, you know." She smiled warmly at him, worried more than she wanted to admit. He didn't take care of himself – especially since the divorce.

"Yeah, as soon as I finish this memo I'll head home." He gave her a smile and the smile promised her that he would. So CJ nodded and slipped back out, right as Margaret returned to her desk. The secretary smiled tiredly and didn't believe the Press Secretary when she promised Leo was leaving soon. So, when Leo emerged from the office twenty minutes later and ordered Margaret to go home, she was simply confused. Leo never left before eleven.

He watched her walk down the hall and sighed. It was perfectly normal to be caught up in the length of CJ Cregg's legs. There wasn't a man in the White House who didn't turn and stare when she wore _that _skirt to work. Add to it the high heels and the blouse that was unbuttoned just enough to see her camisole underneath and he was completely lost. He knew what was under that camisole and wondered if the piercing matched her outfits. He understood why most of the men, and some of the women in the press corps were completely enamored with her. And he really didn't want Danny Concannon enamored with her, but he trusted CJ to deal with it.

"Hey."

She looked up at her boss who lingered in her doorway, looking more than a bit lost. "Leo, please don't tell me that you're about to come in here and tell me that China just did something we won't like. Or Israel, or Pakistan, or hell, Illinois for that matter."

He laughed. "No. Actually, I had a few things to do and I already sent Margaret home and I was wondering if you could use the company. I know that you're planning on being here way too late too." Leo was holding a stack of papers to go over.

"Yeah." CJ grinned and motioned him to her couch. They were, apparently, the last two senior staff left in the building. It didn't take long for both of them to settle back into the reading they were doing – or for Leo to fall asleep while doing it. His gentle snore caught CJ by surprise and she looked over and melted. "Leo?" Moving around from behind her desk, she touched his shoulder gently. "Leo?" She asked again, sitting next to him.

The tired, older man jumped a bit, shaking his head. "God, I didn't fall asleep, did I?"

"Yes. Proof that it's time to go home." She checked the clock. "It's midnight. I think we can spare a few hours."

Sighing, Leo pulled his glasses off his face and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. It's just reading anyway. Thanks for waking me up. How long was I out, anyway?"

"I'm not sure. Long enough for you to start snoring." She grinned at his blush. "Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me."

"Still working late?" CJ came in and settled into the chair across from his. It was getting to be habit, her coming in a couple of times a week for his final approval on the releases that she and Toby had finished up only a few minutes before. Each time the conversation took a little longer, and would drift to something besides work. "What's wrong?" She asked when he took the releases but didn't start to read them. "Leo?"

He just shook his head. "It's just everything lately, I guess. I'll be glad when the rigors of re-election are over. And we aren't even into the throws of it yet."

"It's nights like these that you used to finish what you were doing through a haze of Valium and scotch?" It wasn't a layered or sarcastic question, it was just the truth. She tilted her head at him, seeing the struggle in his eyes.

He just nodded. The sigh that escaped his lips was enough to put her on her feet and she went to the mini fridge, grabbed two bottles of orange juice, and handed one over. "Just what the doctor ordered." Their fingers touched, lingering longer than they expected, but they both pulled back at the same time. It wasn't right, not now. But that didn't stop either of them from blushing, or Leo from moving to sit with her on the couch. It wasn't right for them to fall back into bed together, he told himself, as his lips touched hers and their tongues explored each other. The kiss wouldn't lead to sex, as much as he wanted it to, but God, he just needed to touch her again.

July 13, 1966 

_Jenny and I married yesterday. It was small, just us and a JP, my mother and her mother. Her father refused to come – he still isn't speaking to her. They haven't spoken since she told them she was pregnant, and I can only hope that he forgives her while I'm away. I'm leaving soon, sooner than we planned, and I need them there for her. Mother is going to be, and for that I'm grateful, but I need Jenny's parents there for her as well. I don't know how long I'm going to be gone._

_LM_


	2. Chapter 2

**Sirens**

**By: Shauna Kayleen Brock**

_Disclaimer: If Leo McGarry and CJ Cregg belonged to me, I'd be a much richer woman than I am now. But, alas, they were created by Aaron Sorkin and are held onto by John Wells and Co., so I can only take them out and play with them from time to time. I promise they'll be a bit dirtier when I put them back. I also promise that I don't make any money off of this. Again, if I did, I'd be a richer woman._

_Pairing: Leo/CJ _

_Rating: Mature_

**Chapter 2: The Legacy **

**October 31, 1979**

**Chicago, Illinois**

The sirens woke him – three fire engines racing down the street. It was the dead of night, the reds and whites reflected on the bedroom walls. He sat up, gasping, forgetting where he was. The sheets tangled around his body and he fell as he fled from the confining bed, a bed he couldn't recognize. Where was he? What was that noise? Where were the sirens? He made it to the door, the sirens started to fade. At the stairs he recognized his own house. By the time he reached his study, he needed a drink.

She'd woken with the sirens, but waited, knowing that he would do as he'd done – lurch from bed and head down to his sanctuary. Only after the lights had faded completely, did Jenny rise, and go to save face. She didn't want Mallory's visit home from school to be ruined by finding her father passed out on the living room couch.

"Leo?"

She found him in his study, accompanied by a stack of briefs, a tumbler glass, and a half empty bottle of Johnny Walker Blue. But, despite the work piled in front of him, it was clear his mind was a million miles away - and from the look in his eyes, he was back in Hanoi.

It killed her. They'd barely had any time together before he left for the war, and when he came home the first time, he wasn't anywhere near the same man he'd once been. But after his second tour had ended, she knew that the man she'd married was long gone, killed somewhere in that Vietnam jungle. So much of his soul had died, and he was murdering the rest with that damned scotch. She knew he felt guilty, that he felt he should have died with his men, and she also knew that he would never talk to her about it. Every time she tried to broach the subject, he shut down or yelled. So she let him hide in his work and his alcohol and just let him exist back in that jungle.

Patiently, she stood in the doorway to the study, waiting until he recognized her. Tonight it took longer than usual, and she was about ready to give up when his tortured blue eyes turned to look at her. "God, Jenny, how long have you been there?"

"Not long." She lied. "Honey, come back to bed." Part of her wanted to entice him with the naked body under her robe, but he was drunk and the fact that he couldn't perform when drunk would only make him angry. She didn't want a fight.

"In a few minutes."

"Leo ..." she clamped down on her tone. "All right. Just don't be up too late, all right?" After placing a soft kiss to the top of his head, she moved back up the stairs, knowing that he'd pass out on his couch. Before climbing back into bed, she set her alarm for an hour earlier so that Mallory wouldn't wake up to see her father in the condition he was bound to be in in the morning. If anything, she could close off the study.

Dayton, Ohio 

Thirteen-year-old CJ Cregg sat on the curb, huddled into her coat against the chill of the wind. For an emergency room admitting area, the bay was surprisingly quiet, save for the distant wail of a siren that grew closer with each breath.

Inside, her father was talking to the doctors and the administrators and her brothers were … she didn't know where. But she needed to be here. Alone. Maybe in the silence and the snow she'd be able to hear her mother's voice again. Next to her, in the gutter of the curb, were her ice skates. She should have been here, but no, she'd had to be at practice. Going to the Olympics was more important than sitting with her mother. At least she'd been able to say good-bye.

"Hey, Kidlet." Timothy Cregg plunked down next to his sister. Out here he could blame the tears and the sniffles on the cold. "You okay?" When CJ just shrugged, he slipped an arm around her. "You know something, mom would have been proud of you today. You landed a triple axle, that's unheard of for girls your age."

CJ sat, silently, listening to the approaching siren.

"She really would have been proud of you, Ceej. She was proud of you. You were her golden star." He sniffed. "Ceej … say something."

"What do you want me to say?" The girl looked up at her brother. "Mom's dead and I was landing triple axels when I should have been here." Lights started to reflect on the bay walls – reds and whites, the sirens alerting the ER doctors that someone else was in need of care. The two teenagers remained where they were. CJ just stared up at the flashing lights, blinking against the brightness, the siren's wail echoing in her ears. "Mom would have wanted us to go trick or treating tonight. She told me that I should wear my old skating costume." She blinked as the ambulance lights shut off, leaving everything silent and still once again. "I should have been here."

Washington DC, 2001 

"Leo?" CJ poked her head into his office. Ten thirty on a Saturday night and they were both still here. She'd come up on the premise of asking him to review the press releases, but since Margaret wasn't in the outer office, she tucked the releases away and walked in. She didn't need to pretend if Margaret wasn't out there. "You sent Margaret home?"

"Bruno asked to borrow her for something," Leo said absently. And when CJ started to giggle at that, he looked up, confused. "What?"

"Nothing." Was Leo really that oblivious to Margaret's personal life? "Hey, I'm about to head out but do you want to come over tomorrow morning? With the mandatory personal day you just assigned to all of us, I figured you had some time on your hands and I know you'll be doing the crossword puzzle and watching the shows and I figured you could also cook me breakfast." She grinned playfully.

It took a lot for Leo to come up with a response to that. But, before he did, he closed the file he'd been reading. This one was close-hold to CJ, at least until the Pentagon leaked the information. There wasn't a person this side of the planet who didn't know CJ's feelings about the Middle East, especially Qumar. He had a feeling it was personal, but had been hesitant to ask.

She looked fantastic, standing there in a pair of jeans (when had she changed from work clothes?) and a low cut, baggy sweater over her camisole. Why did she do this to him? Why, when they'd set up such rigid rules about their relationship, about how it was supposed to work, why did she come around him looking like that? "You mean, you're actually asking me over to our usual Sunday morning? What, am I in trouble or something? Or do you need a time from me so that you can make sure that Danny's out of your apartment?" He grinned when she rolled her eyes.

"Just for that, I'm going to leave you wondering."

"You've already told me how much the sound of George Stephanopoulos' voice turns you on. So, I just need to know, do I come before he starts talking, or after?"

CJ blushed and he just grinned and stepped in closer. Maybe it was the building sexual tension and maybe it was because Margaret wasn't out in her office, but something was changing tonight. It wasn't anything different - this was their usual conversation, she always teased him like this and he always went home and jacked off in the shower for a good half hour. He wanted her to take him home now and then he'd be right there for breakfast in the morning. They hadn't made love since Manchester, and he'd only been able to touch her, barely, a few times since then – when in situations like this he couldn't keep his hands, or his lips off of her. He knew they were just supposed to be friends, but it didn't change his feelings. "Pancakes or French toast?" He grinned. Friends it was, it had to be. They both knew there was something more there, but they also weren't ready to act on it.

"French toast." CJ fought the urge to grab him by his shirtsleeves and wrap herself around him. She was wearing one of her looser camisoles underneath a low cut sweater, and the bra was flimsy and she wanted nothing more than for him to take advantage of her right there on his desk. Yes, she'd changed into jeans once the Saturday Press Corps went home; they were her tight, low riding jeans and she knew he'd been watching her. "I'll provide the preparation, you bring yourself."

Looking into her eyes, Leo took advantage of the charged atmosphere and nodded just over her shoulder. "Close the door, CJ."

"Leo …" She knew that look in his eyes, she shared the feelings, but they'd been getting too close lately. Two days ago he'd had her stay after the end of day staff meeting and her blouse had ended up on the floor and her nipples between his teeth. Lately all their time was spent touching and kissing, despite their continuing mantra that they were just friends. Maybe tomorrow wasn't such a good idea.

She stopped arguing with herself as he pinned her back against the door and his mouth attacked hers. For a minute she lost herself in his lips, and she could hear her inner demons arguing that she needed to just give in to her feelings for him and let it all go. But, she pulled back suddenly, realizing that his hands were under her sweater, her hands were tugging at his shirt buttons, and that she desperately needed to change her underwear. They couldn't do this. It was only going to lead to disaster for both of them. At least, they couldn't do it here.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, his mouth still too close to her ear. The breath on her ear lobe made her knees weak.

"Don't apologize … I just …" she caught her breath. "We've talked about this. We …"

"And yet, it keeps happening."

"Just … not here … not right now, okay?" She pulled away and opened the door. "I'll see you in the morning."

Leo waited until she was out of sight before slumping back behind his desk. He didn't know what do to with these feelings – hell, he wasn't used to dealing with feelings at all. But ever since that night, when he'd seen her out on that patio, when he'd felt her moving under him, something had been different, and it wasn't just his imagination. Something had changed, and it wasn't that he'd seen her naked. From somewhere, a siren sounded, and his heart raced for just a second. He was in new territory here, and he didn't know just how long he could avoid the song he was hearing.

It wasn't until she was behind the wheel of her mustang that her breath started to calm, but her heart was beating hard enough that she didn't even hear the approaching siren until the ambulance blared it's horn so that it wouldn't hit her. This couldn't keep happening. It couldn't. Leo was her boss and she couldn't compromise her position, the position of the administration, or the sanctity of the White House as they were all being hauled in front of juries and committees. Only after the ambulance had passed did she pull over to the side of the road and really give herself a minute to catch her breath. Something had to change. Something.

**1984**

**Berkeley, California**

He hardly paid attention as the ambulance roared by, sirens blaring at full strength. Then again, he was hardly sober enough to register the sound. Right now, he wasn't exactly sure where he was or how he'd made it to this bar, but all he cared was that they were serving drinks and they didn't bother him while he worked. Before him was a brief. Case law. And Mallory … Mallory was … at the hotel? With Jenny? That's right. It was a hotel. A hotel bar. They'd toured Stanford today. He ordered another drink. What was it with the sirens in this town?

She didn't know what it was that woke her, the distant sirens, the beep of the machines she was hooked up to, or the intense stare of the man whose eyes she was looking into as the world again came into focus. She didn't know him, but he looked faintly familiar. She'd seen that beard and those brown eyes somewhere, but she couldn't place where.

"Welcome back," he whispered, his voice was that bedroom husky. "Welcome back. I'm Toby. Toby Zeigler. I live in your building. I saw you fall. I didn't know who to contact so I just stayed here."

She wanted to scream, to find out what had happened. But when she opened her mouth, nothing came out. Toby gave her an ice chip and helped her sit up and pushed the call button, but she still didn't know what was wrong. Her abdomen was on fire, and all she could remember was falling – had she been pushed? – falling down the stairs and then the sound of sirens.

**2001**

Washington, DC 

"Happy Sunday." CJ grinned at him as she opened the door. And, as usual, he took her breath away. He stood there in a pair of worn blue jeans and a white button up shirt, holding a couple of grocery bags, and his copy of the New York Times. "Leo, you didn't have to bring anything, I told you that."

"Sue me." He laughed and stepped into her apartment. Gone was the emotional tension from last night. The sexual tension, however, was thick enough to brush away from his face. After setting the bags down in the kitchen, he turned to look at her and wondered if he'd be able to get through the day without touching her, or if after last night, she was having the same thoughts he was. "Danny get out of here okay?" He had to break the silence with something, anything besides the voices of the press pundits. He wanted to break the silence by telling her that he wanted more than heavy petting sessions in his office and lingering Sunday conversations over the New York times – but he just wasn't sure what more he wanted and he wasn't sure how to bring the subject up to her. As it was, when CJ was standing there in front of him in a pair of baggy jeans that rested barely on her hips, a loose camisole, and a baggy button down shirt open over it, and he could see for sure that that she wasn't wearing a bra, all he really wanted was to bend her over and have his way with her. So, to compromise, he stepped forward, put his hands on her hips, and kissed her gently.

CJ pulled away first, "So what did you buy, hmm?"

"Well, I figured you'd have the breakfast supplies, but, I didn't know how long I'd be here." Leo blushed as he revealed without saying anything specific that he wanted to spend the day here. "Thought I'd bring supplies for dinner too. I hear the Sunday games --" This time it was CJ who interrupted with a kiss, and Leo was the one to break away first. "Got coffee?" He asked after tucking a lock of her hair back behind her ear.

"Yeah."

They listened to the TV with half an ear, but Leo was more interested in watching CJ as she leaned against the counter and she was more interested in toying with the strap of her camisole. She sipped at her coffee – a strong, dark roast with just a hint of cream and a splash of sugar. He'd always taken his black, and strong enough to stand a spoon in. She made it just the strength he liked. "Hey, I ... I got something for you." He grinned and stepped forward.

"And what's that?" She set the coffee down and gave him her full attention.

Allowing himself to build on the tension, he stepped a hair closer. "It's just tucked into a pocket."

CJ took the bait and reached both hands into his front pockets. Her left hand emerged victorious, holding a small baggie that contained a simple, elegant, teal barbell stud for her belly button. "Leo!" She grinned. "This is beautiful!"

"You like it? Really?" At first, Leo blushed. When he'd found it, he hadn't been sure if he should give it to her or not. He didn't know how she felt about her jewelry, but this was something that connected them and he wanted to share it with her.

"It's perfect." She held the cat's eye ball up to the light and smiled. "You want to put it in?"

He balked a bit.

"Come on," CJ grinned, "I dare ya." She took his hand and led him back into her bathroom. His hands were shaking as she handed him the small saline bottle. "Just crack the top and pour it over all the parts of the barbell." She smiled, her hands lingering over his. After looking at her for a long moment, he complied with her instructions and then set the jewelry down on the gauze pad she'd laid out. "Okay, come here." Again, she took his hands and this time guided them to her abdomen. He quickly figured out how to unscrew the blue barbell that she wore and carefully, slid the piece of metal out of her body.

"You never told me why you pierced your stomach," he said, his words whispered against her belly. "You promised me one night, but never came through on it."

"Someday," CJ said, closing her eyes for a moment. "Someday you'll get to figure out why."

Leo looked up at her and when he saw her closed eyes and the pain registered on her face, he let the subject go. Something had happened, something that was as painful to her as his wounds in Vietnam had been to him. Gently, he slid the new piece of body jewelry into place, twisted it tight, and then leaned forward to kiss the faint scar that ran vertically along her stomach. Something told him that the scar and the piercing were related. He ran his finger around her belly button, caressing softly, and watching her stomach muscles react to his touch. It was the most sensual experience he'd ever had, and by the time he was done, kneeling on the floor in front of her, with his breath on her stomach, they were both ready for more than French toast.

Leo breathed in, inhaling the scent of her arousal. Slowly, he unbuttoned the jeans and slid the zipper down to reveal a pair of see through panties.

CJ had gone from playfully wanting to painfully needing. While bracing herself against the wall with one hand, she took one of his hands and, with linked fingers, helped him push her panties aside. For most people, this wouldn't have been the most romantic moment in the world, but for the two of them, it brought them even closer to that line they refused to acknowledge.

Remaining on his knees, ever subservient to her, Leo tugged her jeans down and with his free hand, hitched her leg up over his shoulder. Their combined fingers and his mouth on her brought her quickly to the point of orgasm. But he pulled back in the last seconds, leaving her teetering dangerously on the edge of oblivion. "Leo …" CJ hissed, reaching for his shoulder, anything to continue balancing on. Her knees were going week and her leg was going to be stretched out in painful ways later on. It didn't take long for her to realize what he was doing – suddenly his entire face was pressed between her thighs, and his tongue alone drove her completely over the edge. As she gasped, trying to catch her breath, he sucked and teased, taking in all her juices. "Oh god," she whispered, clinging to him as he helped her to regain her balance. "Oh god." Her next words were drowned out by her own scent and taste as Leo captured her mouth with his own.

CJ moaned, tasting herself on his lips. The salt of her body and the sweetness of his - apple juice was it - sent shivers down her spine. She ran her hands along his body, and kissed him deeper as she caressed the bulge in his jeans. Still kissing him, she loosened his pants and slipped her hand inside, caressing him. Leo, for his part, braced himself against the wall (trapping her between his arms), and moved his hips in time with her hand as she pumped him. Right before he came she stopped, breaking the kiss for the first time, and dropped to her knees to take him in her mouth. CJ took all of him down her throat, not even choking as he spilled into her. She sucked him dry, cleaned him off, and then put him back together again. When she found her feet, he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her once more.

"Is it incredibly chauvinistic of me to like it when you're down on your knees like that?" Leo stroked her face once they'd both caught their breath.

"Yeah," CJ smiled shyly and toyed with his chest. "But it's sexy the way you try to dominate me." She flashed a grin and squirmed away, walking back out into the kitchen. They'd worked up an appetite just by putting in her new jewelry, and George Stephanopoulos had long stopped talking. She flipped off the sports show and perched on the counter, sipping her coffee, while Leo set about making breakfast. "Thank you for the jewelry, Leo."

He smiled at her, still smelling everything about her on his body. "You're welcome. Thank you for showing me how to put it on." He wanted to ask again, where it came from, but he just didn't have the balls to push her any further than where she'd taken him.

CJ followed the movement of Leo's hands as he cracked the eggs into the bowl. Everything about this man turned her on, and it was a very bad thing. What was she going to do tomorrow when they had to be professional again? What were today's actions going to do to the professional relationship they were trying to hard to maintain? "Did you ever play truth or dare when you were younger?" CJ asked, trying to smile. She wanted to tell him, suddenly needed to tell him, but she wasn't sure how to bring it out.

"I remember Mallory and her girlfriends giggling over daring to put someone's bra in the freezer or some such nonsense." Leo looked at her. "What about you?"

"Oh, it's a favorite game." She grinned.

The grin, he knew, was a dare. "Truth or dare, CJ."

She blushed. He watched the color spread across her shoulders and could only imagine what it was doing to those beautiful, dusky nipples. When she whispered, "dare", the gamut of things he could dare her to do ran completely through his mind before he realized that she was betting that he'd forget his curiosity about the scar. Pushing aside the image of her walking around this place naked for the rest of the day, he just looked at her. "I dare you to tell me what let to you piercing your belly button." They both looked over toward the window at the sound of the siren passing in the distance.

**1988**

**Berkeley, CA**

"I dare you." Toby grinned playfully. "Seriously, CJ, I dare you to do it."

"You dare me to give myself a belly wound during the AIDS crisis. Have you forgotten where we live, Tobias?" She handed him a beer before curling back up on his ratty old couch. "I'd be lucky to not get infected. I just survived having my ovaries removed, I'd rather not have to live with HIV for the rest of my life."

He snorted. "Chicken. You just survived life-changing surgery, months of chemotherapy, another surgery, and today is your three-year anniversary of being totally cancer free and you're going to not celebrate it. CJ, a belly piercing is perfect. And for gods sake it will take away from your griping over your scar."

"Toby …" CJ trailed off, listening to the sirens roll by. It was a constant thing, all day through the city the ambulances could be heard. People were dying left and right, the ambulances couldn't keep up with the calls and people died before help could come.

"There's a place down on Castro street, come on. Jeaneane, really. It will be good for you. It will be a constant reminder that you're a survivor. This one thing didn't get to you. You've graduated from college when no one thought you'd even make it to your twenty-first birthday. Let this be your true battle wound." He stood up, walked over, and tugged her to her feet. "You've never been one to turn down a dare."

**2001**

**Washington, DC**

Leo looked at her quizzically. "You …" He'd heard all the words, and understood the meaning, but he hadn't pieced it all together.

"I was an undergrad at Berkeley," CJ said softly. It was completely unbeknownst to her where these words were coming from, but if she'd learned anything over the last few months with Leo, it was that sometimes, there were no explanations. She looked into her coffee, remembering all too well the circumstances under which she'd wounded her body. "I was nineteen and dealing with a stressful relationship. I mean, I was in love with him but his family had problems with our relationship. And then, I thought I was pregnant. Well … I wasn't."

Leo tilted his head. "What do you mean?" The eggs forgotten for a minute, he walked over and put his hands on her hips. "CJ?"

She sighed and rested her hands on his shoulders. "I wasn't pregnant, like I thought I had been. I had cancer ... ovarian cancer. It was in both ovaries. I was lucky they caught it at all. Anyway, all of it happened around the same time I met Toby, actually. And Toby, being Toby, stayed with me through my boyfriend going back to his home country, through surgery, though chemo, and through my entire remission phase."

"Oh my … Oh my god …" He touched her stomach. "That's the scar?"

"And here I'd hoped you hadn't noticed it." She sighed and toyed with his shirt collar. "Yeah. That's the scar. Toby was the one who talked me into getting it …" she blushed, "We were … talking … and I was bitching about how bad the scar was and Toby talked me into piercing my belly button. He said that wound would hurt more and take away from the scar. He was right."

Leo shook his head, "CJ … I never knew, I never realized …"

"Yeah. I had a full hysterectomy when I was nineteen. And then more surgery after a round of chemo. It sucks cause I did want kids. Really, I wanted this perfect life with kids and a career and a perfect husband. And what happened changed it. Every time I even start to forget how lucky I am now, I just look down and there's this barbell in my stomach, reminding me. Toby was right, it does distract from the memory of the scar." She gave him a small, crooked smile.

"You've been … you've been cancer free all this time? Since you were what, twenty?"

"No. It came back a few years ago. It showed up in the lymph nodes under my left breast. They caught it quickly, it was a simple surgery, a few weeks of chemo just to make sure, and I was fine."

Leo stared down at her breasts, breasts that he'd worshiped since that night in Manchester. Gently, he stroked the side of her breast and then kissed her. "You really are amazing, Claudia Jean."

She just rested her forehead against his, "Nah. I'm a woman with a barbell through her bellybutton." She stroked his cheek. "Make me breakfast, Leopold." He kissed her again before turning back to the waiting eggs and bread. CJ rested back against the counter, took a long sip of her coffee, and then asked, "Truth or dare?"

It took a minute for him to process what she'd asked, but then he crooked a smile at her. "Truth."

While CJ formulated her question, he walked back to the stove and finished preparations for the first round of French Toast. "When did you start drinking? I mean, heavily? I mean …"

**1993**

**Dayton, Ohio**

He didn't know where he was, but he could hear sirens. Sirens. Sirens. He could feel the cold of the asphalt, the rain against his back, but where was he? Sirens. He could hear sirens.

The jungle. Keith. Kent. Mac. Jed. Jed. He could call. Jed. Jed would know what to do. Jed always knew what to do. He couldn't see his hands to dial, or the phone in front of him, but he knew the numbers. He could hear the ringing, the ringing, the sirens. Coming closer.

"Jed …" he whispered into the phone. "God, Jed, I need help."

**2001**

**Washington, DC**

The sound of the siren lingered in his ears. "When did it go from something possibly recreational into an addiction?" His breath caught, and he felt the rumble of the jungle all over again.

"Yeah, if you can word it like that. I mean … I don't know how to word it. Was it always an addiction or …?"

"Do anorexics start out as anorexic? No, it didn't start out as an addiction. But it was after the end of Vietnam, officially. I mean, I came back …" he sighed, closing his eyes for just a second and forcing out the droning sounds of the planes. "But when we pulled out in '75, I couldn't … I just dove into the bottle. I started dealing with the trauma of the war, I was put on Valium to help me sleep and … bam. I know it wasn't overnight, but that's how it felt. I'd come home from work and pour a glass of scotch and then another. And then I'd have one while dinner was being prepared and then a couple during dinner. And then, I'd work after dinner and before I knew it, it was a scotch at lunch, and then halfway through the afternoon … I woke up in 1980 as an alcoholic. And it still took over ten years for me to get through it."

CJ slid off the counter and moved to wrap her arms around him. "And you're doing wonderfully by it."

"Really?" He looked over his shoulder at her.

"Yeah." She smiled and kissed his nose. "And prove it by finishing that French toast. While I've had a little bit of protein today, it's not enough."

"Is this the part of the conversation where I dare both of us to actually talk about what's going on between us?"

CJ sighed and moved back to her coffee. "Probably. But can we just ignore it for a while? You're making French toast, a recipe that I love, by the way. And you've already given me one mind blowing orgasm today … maybe we can just eat and talk and watch bad Sunday shows on CNN." She was as scared as he was, and the only thing that made it bearable was that she knew how scared he was.

Leo nodded, agreeing. "Okay then," he put a plate of French toast on the table. "So where's the orange juice, and by the way, truth or dare."

"We're still playing?" She poured them both glasses of juice.

"If you want to." He watched her as she sat down.

"Truth."

"What did you really want to be when you grew up?"

She chuckled, "What, do I scream of dreams lost?"

"Only to me." He fought the urge to reach across the small table and take her hand.

After a forkful of toast and a long sip of orange juice, CJ gave in and told the truth. "I wanted to be a figure skater. An Olympic and Worlds champion. I was doing triples by the time I was twelve and my coach was thinking and I was ranked, actually, with the junior skaters. I was going to be on the next Olympic team …"

"What happened?"

"Well, after my mom died I didn't have as much time to train … and then I took a nasty fall at a party and actually had to spend time learning to walk again. So, I rediscovered my love of books and graduated early and went to school and got my education and my coach went to the Olympics with someone else." She cocked her head. "Seriously, I got the better end of the deal."

Leo did reach over to take her hand. "Do you still skate?"

"When I can. I can still do a triple. I usually end up on my ass, but I can still do a triple."

Leo chuckled and took a hefty bite of his own breakfast. "I can't skate."

"That's okay." She giggled and dove into her breakfast. They ate in comfortable silence for a few minutes before CJ leaned over. "Truth or dare, Mr. McGarry."

After almost choking on his own bite of food, he reached over and stroked her left breast. "Truth." He wanted to take her to bed, make her scream, and move what they had from friends to more. Would she dare to ask him what he wanted from this?

"How did you get involved in the party?"

For a minute he couldn't answer. He had a pretty good view down her camisole and her nipples were right in his eye line. She knew exactly what she was doing to him. "Um, I ended up representing this Chicago Democrat who had screwed a lot of people out of a lot of money. I looked at what he was doing and thought that I could get involved with the party, that if I did, I could save the people that this man, a member of my own party had hurt. I could save the Democrats from themselves."

CJ touched his cheek. "You're trying."

"I am." He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her. All bets were off right now. It was just the two of them, and he knew how he felt about her. At least, he thought he knew. "Truth or dare, CJ."

"Dare," she giggled.

He thought for a minute and then grinned. Reaching for one of the strawberries, he touched it into the whipped cream. "I dare you to do what I tell you to do, no questions asked."

Her eyes sparkled.

Leo moved the plates back and lifted her onto the edge of the table. "Take off your shirt." She did, giving him that view of those perfect breasts, breasts that were now even more perfect in his eyes. He traced the whip cream across her chest, licking it off the whole way. "I dare you to lead me to the bedroom."

"Oh god, Leo!" CJ reached behind her and grasped the headboard, arching closer to his body as he moved against her. "Oh god!" She crashed over the edge even as he kept moving and the added friction only brought her to a second, then a third orgasm. When he finally collapsed above her, wrapping them both tightly in the blanket as he adjusted so that he wouldn't crush her, she really didn't think she'd ever walk again.

"Hmmm ..." Leo nuzzled at her neck as he snuggled against her. Even in the exhaustion of afterglow, he couldn't keep his hands off her body. Despite the fact that she was already marked - love bites on her shoulders, finger marks on her hips, he kept stroking, inhaling their combined scent. He liked to think that maybe she was the one he had claimed, but it really was the other way around. She'd had him since that night in Manchester, even if they refused to admit it to each other. "Tell me something," he asked softly.

"What?" CJ snuggled back into his arms and caught his hand as it started to drift into the wet curls at the juncture of her thighs. She needed a few minutes before he got her going again.

"Do all your games of truth or dare end like this?"

CJ cracked up. "No. Sometimes they end with me bent over a chair and Josh taking me in ways that only gay men love."

Leo didn't know whether to laugh or shudder at that mental image. "Oh tell me you are joking."

"You'd think otherwise?" CJ rolled her eyes and turned to look at him.

"Well ..." Leo began to move his hand again. This time he cupped her breast and teased her nipple between his thumb and forefinger. When CJ whimpered softly, he rolled her fully underneath him and took her nipple between his teeth, leaving his hands for further exploration. "Truth or dare," he whispered when he freed her breasts.

"Dare ..." CJ moaned.

Leo looked up and into her eyes, "Really?"

She met his eyes and nodded, unsure if her response was coming from feeling playful or the fact that his fingers were sliding through her folds. But whatever he wanted to dare her to do, she'd do at this point. And when one finger slid further down and teased at her other opening, she just gasped. "You think that's a dare?" She whispered. "God ... the lube is in the bedside drawer. You are a dirty, dirty old man, Leo McGarry." He just chuckled and placed a kiss on each of her breasts.

Leo had to take a minute to gather his heartbeat and his brain. She was willing to let him take her right up the ass, without a moment's hesitation. It was a favorite position of his, but Jenny had always hated it. He watched CJ roll over and he pulled one of the pillows down to give her hips something to rest on. After reaching for the lube (and two of the condoms he also found in the drawer) he just started slow, moving completely away from his intended target. Gently, he massaged her shoulders, her spine, her thighs - teasing between them as much as he could - and then finally, her buttocks. She rose to meet his fingers as he warmed the cool gel between his hand and her skin, she watched him roll one of the condoms down his fingers, and as he moved those fingers inside of her, she relaxed perfectly against him. It was clear she'd had experience with this, and had enjoyed it. And he didn't want to think about who that experience had been with. Leo moved his fingers, stroking, teasing, and with his other hand, kept up the massaging of her ass. She squirmed under him, and when she started to beg, he rolled the condom down his shaft, and replaced his fingers with his cock. "CJ ..." he moaned. "God, CJ ..." He bucked her hips back against him enough so that he could reach around and tease her clit while he moved. Despite his even strokes and his desire to hold on, this was the third time today and he just didn't have the stamina. CJ didn't seem to mind, and she crashed into orgasm at the same time he did. He waited until she relaxed before pulling out, and carefully disposed of the used condoms.

"Wow." CJ closed her eyes a bit. Sex like this always hurt when it was over, but it was also always worth it. She was sticky from his cum and the lube and her own juices that were still dripping from her body, but she hadn't felt this good in a long, long time. "That was some dare." She didn't want to ask where he'd learned to be so good at doing that, but her morbid curiosity was getting the better of her.

Leo chuckled softly as he nuzzled against her breasts. "It was."

"Weren't we supposed to be watching news or something this morning?"

"It's afternoon now." Leo laughed again and sat up a bit, propping his head on his hand. Gently, he brushed CJ's sweaty hair back off her face. "You are amazing, CJ. And I don't just mean in bed."

It was getting serious again, and serious was something she didn't know if she could handle. She didn't even how she would handle tomorrow when she had to face him again, or how she'd handle it later this afternoon when they got out of bed and had to go back to just being friends. "You are too ... God ... Leo ..." she ran her hand down his chest, teasing through the light hair there.

"What is it, CJ?" His fingers lingered on her face, caressing gently.

"Aren't we just supposed to be friends?" She left her hand on his chest.

The question, along with the look in her eyes, brought him down, completely from the euphoria of a morning spent in bed. He continued to caress her face. "I don't know, CJ. I know that I like the time we spend together, and I know that we are great in bed together. That's all I know when it comes to you."

"Yeah." She sighed and moved her hand up to touch his cheek. "Me too. So, we're where we're always at with each other. We just wait and see?" Both of their attention was caught by the sound of a distant siren.

"Yeah." He bent to kiss her, hungry and desperate to make the sounds of the sirens go away. "Feel like getting up?" His fingers moved to part her legs again. He really wanted her to just open herself up to him, to let him bury his memories and the future deep inside her. He wanted to use her as his excuse to forget about his meeting with Jordon, to put off his impending death in the world of politics.

"Yeah. You uh, want to rinse off first?" She grinned as he looked down at her body, then his. She couldn't do it again, not right now. The sirens were too loud.

"Yeah." He chuckled, kissed her again, and headed into the shower. CJ stayed alone this time, curled up under her blankets, wondering just where this was going. She didn't want to be falling in love with Leo, but she also knew that she was. Slowly, she ran her fingers up and down her scar, her lasting legacy, her constant reminder that she wasn't like others, and that she was incredibly lucky. She'd been cancer free again for just about five years; she'd reached the point where she no longer woke hearing ambulance sirens in her mind. The barbell moved back and forth in her fingers, the cool ball soothing to the touch, a reminder that she'd allowed Leo into her secrets, past her walls, and now, would she push him back out to sea again?

She really was going to kill him. His heart was going to just explode. There she was, in a pair of flannel boxer shorts, a very worn Berkeley t-shirt, and her hair drying around her face. He stood up from his place on the couch and without saying anything, he pushed her back against the doorframe and kissed the breath out of both of them.

CJ chuckled self-consciously as they broke apart. "I guess my attempt to look un-sexy didn't do the trick."

"CJ," Leo murmured as he stroked the soft skin of her thighs, "You are incapable of looking anything but sexy." Her shirt revealed just enough skin at her stomach to show off the teal belly button stud he'd bought for her. Knowing the history now, knowing what she'd gone through for this and what she'd shared with him, made it even more intimate. He had something that no one else had – except for Toby, but that was a story he didn't want to think about. His hands moved up to cup her breasts and stroke her nipples and she wiggled under his touch. Sundays had never ended like this for them before. Before they'd always been able to hold back their passions, to play scrabble or talk shop or read aloud from favorite books, but today … today that barrier had been broken, and he really didn't know if he could go back.

"You look like you have to go somewhere," CJ sighed as they broke apart.

"Yeah." He kissed her neck. "I have a meeting with my lawyer about my testimony. I can come back if you want…"

CJ sighed and looped her arms around his neck. "Do you want to come back? We do need to talk …"

"Now you're the one pushing for 'the talk?" He traced his fingers along her sides again.

"No." She grinned.

"When are your meetings with your lawyers?"

"Every day." She shook her head. "But we're not getting into that conversation. I'll be here when you get back. I have the day off, remember."

He chuckled and kissed her again. "I won't be long. And when I'll get back, we'll talk."

"Okay."

Leo moved to the door, gathered his jacket, and headed out into the late afternoon sun. He turned down the street, toward where he'd parked his car, trying to gear his mind on the meeting with Jordon, the hearings, and the problems with Qumar, but all he could think about was the conversation with CJ, the drinking, and the legacy that past had given to the Administration, to his family, and now to his career. Somewhere in the distance, sirens sounded.

_To Be Continued …_

Copyright March 2006 


End file.
